Dynamics of Relationship:
Before we start discussing the dynamics of healthy relationships for a happy life, unhealthy relationships causing relationship problems and the connection between the two, let’s first understand what this thing called relationship actually is.
Life is a story written by our actions involving other humans for which we need to interact with them. Interaction with other humans is one of the most basic instinctive drives that we are born with.
Interactions are always spontaneous which take place unpredictably without any map or blueprint defining them. Their biggest strength is that they are always new and fresh having a curiosity to know the other person in interaction a little more than we already do.
It excites us, giving us a thrill.
Interactions Turn into Relationships:
If such interactions between some specific people start taking place frequently, they tend to turn into some kind of relationship between them.
Repeated interactions turn into relationships with an element of expectation in them based on the past interactions that future interactions are also going to be quite similar to the past ones.
If we had liked the past interactions, we welcome having future interactions with them; and thus a relationship starts building between the two (or more).
Interactions Vs Relationships:
From its very inception, there is one thing that relationship misses and that interaction always had until it turned into a relationship. It was its spontaneity that ignited our curiosity and excited us giving us a thrill.
Once it turns into a relationship, its freshness gets replaced with the likability of the interaction/s it had started with.
We liked some interaction with someone in the past so we want to do the same interaction with the same person again.
We like it again every time we do.
This is what the essential condition for healthy relationships is.
Relationships Lack Spontaneous Interaction:
But unluckily even these healthy relationships miss what spontaneous interaction had in abundance before they turned into these most likable healthy relationships.
Liking is one thing and getting thrilled is another.
Liking dwells in the memory of the past thrill, trying to revive the same in the action (or interaction) of the present.
Thrill dwells in the present, the absolute present!
You can plan doing something you like before you actually do it, but you cannot plan getting thrilled beforehand.
So our healthy relationships give us a lot of happiness, but never the thrill of spontaneous interactions again which in the very first place had made us enjoy it so much.
Still no problem if it continues going the same way!
But it doesn’t.
Relationships Are Vulnerable:
Likes fade away with time, looking forward to creating new ones from the unending source of excitement generated out of spontaneous interactions in the absolute present that requires curiosity to know what we right now don’t.
An element of mystery is required for curiosity to ignite. Something unknown to know about!
A certain amount of unfamiliarity is required to kindle the fire of thrill that springs from the curiosity of knowing the unknown.
But we have already known the ones we have been in healthy relationships with for so long. Right?
Not necessarily, but in general yes!
Our Personalities Are Not Dynamic:
People in healthy relationships are generally not dynamic enough to keep changing with changing time every single moment of it so that they would have remained as unfamiliar with the ones in healthy relationships with as they were when they had interacted with them for the very first time.
We don’t change that much. Our personalities are not that much dynamic in general.
So we can only relate with the persons we are in healthy relationships with. We cannot interact with them in a spontaneous manner with a flame of curiosity to know them what is still unknown in them for us anymore.
Healthy Relationships Turn to Protocols:
That’s the time when healthy relationships start turning base, then boring and then just a protocol.
Healthy relationships undergoing such a graph turning them to mere protocols is the beginning of their transposing into unhealthy relationships.
Beware; we all are prone to turn our healthy relationships to mere protocols with the passage of time. Almost everyone has experienced such turnarounds without knowing why it has happened and what to do in order to mend it.
What’s The Way Out:
Is there any way out?
Certainly yes, there is one. But the problem is there is only one out there.
Be a dynamic personality.
Don’t be predictable, not even to your own self.
Do away with your old habit patterns; experience everything new which doesn’t let you remain the same old person again.
Change with every passing moment of time, so that people in healthy relationships with you always feel like they are meeting a new person every time they meet you ever.
Life will become a great adventure for you along with those in healthy relationships with you as they will never feel they are interacting with the same old person any more.
You will never risk turning your healthy relationships into unhealthy relationships of mere protocols again.
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